interview with tha phatty bombattys

By Smelly Nuts

      I recently had a chance to talk to the nipply band the Phatty 
Bombattys. I met them at their studio in East Side O.B. When i went in,
they were all taking monster hits off a 6 foot tall bong in the middle of
the room. They welcomed me with a free hit and so the interview began...

Smelly Nutz: You have been called one of the most influential bands
of the year. What is your view on this?

Italian Stallion: Well.... all bands can eat my balls.

Jujy Fruit: I once whacked off in public. An old lady laughed at me.

Whitebread: Our rise from the ghetto has been considered quite an inspiration
for many a crack baby

SN: I see, how did you all get your names?

JF: Well, nipple.

IS: Rocky is my idol. 

WB: Because i always win at our circle jerks. I leave the bread nice 
and white.

SN: ok. I thought it was because youre the only white person in the band.

WB: well, thats a common misconception. you arent the first.

JF: yo man, you got any crack?

JN: nope, sorry. where does the inspiration for your songs come from?

IS: my ballz.

WB: our life in the ghetto. growing up in harlem provides us with a lot
of inspiration. oh yeah, and we usually get really fucked up before we 
write the songs.

JF: yo man, you got any weed?

SN: no i dont, sorry. so, italian stallion, ive heard you are not the 
first bassist for this band. who was before you?

IS: my ballz.

JF: his ballz.

WB: there was this kid seenis, but he had to go.

JN: and why is that? creative differences?

WB: yeah, the kid just wasnt straight ghetto style, you know?

JN: yeah, but ive heard another story too...

IS: oh yeah, the one about my ballz?

JN: no, it involved his penis?

WB: oh, that story. well he swore us to secrecy on that one. he threatened
to do it again if we ever told anyone.

JF: my nuts are kinda sweaty.

JN: tell me a little about your equipment.

WB: well mines actually kinda small. but my nuts are pretty big.

IS: my nutz are the size of basketballs.

JN: no no thats not what i meant...

JF: mine's fuckin huge man! i cant even believe it! hey man, you got any

JN: no i still dont have any. i meant what kind of equipment do you use
to perform.

WB: i'm a trojan man.

IS: i'm into that bondage stuff. i always got a mask on when i perform.

JF: would you scratch my nuts man?

JN: um.. no. Lets stay on track here. When do you guys plan on releasing 
your new album? And whats its title?

JF:  Crack Babies

WB: Nutsac.
IS: Cizznack

JN: Umm, which one is it?

JF: nutsac.

WB: Crack Babies

IS: Cizznack

JN: Oh I don't care anymore. Next question: Do you plan to tour to promote 
the new album?

IS: You can tour my nuts. 

JF: Oh! Oh! I want to be the tour guide!

WB: yeah, he's even got a "gift shop" for you at the end of the tour.

JN: Well, back to the CD, how many songs?

IS: 12384.98%

WB: .

JF: i have 2 gonads

JN: *sigh* Are there going to be any special songs or covers on the album?

WB: you can cover my ballz

JF: I've got a special something for you

IS: 12

JN: What are your influences?

WB: crack. Its always there in my time of need.

IS: my ballz

JF: a bong.

JN: What're are you guys favorite bands?

WB: Gas Huffer. I feel a curious relationship with them. Alien Sex Fiend,
because thats what i am.

JF: I like The Queers, the Circle Jerks, and my nutsac.

IS: Big Pun, Heavy D, Biggie, The Fat Boyz, and Missy Elliot.

JN: Well, times running out, do any of you have any final things you would 
like to say to all your fans out there?


IS: mine too!

WB: I love small woodland creatures!!! I highly recommend them! Get in touch
with nature!